3 hours to go before tomorrow..

20 hours and 30 minutes until the official time.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


There are times when I really wanted to give up, you know? Because I started to feel that I'm not all invincible and I actually do get tired of understanding and explaining myself and being the best when i feel like the worst. We're not perfect, as usual.

But in the end I'm not really a quitter. And, this relationship is one of the best things that God has given me.

James and I, we're a weird couple. (He's an ESFP, I'm an INFJ, haha ^_^) I was half expecting people to wonder why in the world did we decide to get together. and I was always prepared with an answer... because it feels right. people were surprised, people were doubtful and as usual people were putting expiration dates on our partnership. yeah, there were times we turned sour, but we never really let it go to the dogs. I mean, when you know it's for keeps, you just know.

all around us we hear about couples falling out, breaking up, going their separate ways and we become thankful. that so much has and is still happening in our lives but we still hold on. some would be bitter and tell us that it won't last and that it's just a loveydovey phase that once we know each other, we'll definitely change our minds.

guess what? 4 years baby. Four years. it's not that long. It's still a relatively young relationship, but hey, it's a stepping stone and surely one that is taking us nearer to our perceived future.


oh and yeah, we've seen each other's morning looks, so if that's not enough proof that we're fine with each other, i don't know what is.

GOD KNOWS (english translation)

I run with a parched heart
Sorry, I couldn't do anything
You won't even let me
Share our pain together

To live on without tarnish
I turn my back and head out without looking back
on the lonely rail

I'll follow you
No matter how agonizing it is; even within the darkness of the world
You will certainly shine
I'll overcome the limit of the future
My weakness will not shatter my spirit
my way overlaps with yours
For the two of us, God bless...

This affection that warms when it reaches me
Melts reality and wanders
I don't need a reason for wanting to meet you
Just my overflowing feelings, Lovin' you

For now, I'll paint a beautiful dream
And chase after you
for your lonely heart

Stop it, it's not like you to lie
Look at my eyes and let's talk about our future
I am prepared
Even if the future is dark
I'll become stronger and I might be able to change my destiny
Though I want my wish to come true
Everything is God knows...

You are here, I am here
Everyone else has disappeared
While we paint the beauty of this fleeting dream
We trace out the lines of our scars

That's why I'll follow you
No matter how agonizing it is; even within the darkness of the world
You will certainly shine
I'll overcome the limit of the future
My weakness will not shatter my spirit
my way overlaps with yours
For the two of us, God bless...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
(romanji)
kawaita kokoro de kakenukeru
gomen ne nanimo dekinakute
itami wo wakachiau koto sae
anata wa yurushite kurenai

mukuni ikiru tame furimukazu
senaka mukete satte shimau
on the lonely rail

watashi tsuite iku yo
donna tsurai sekai no yami no naka de sae
kitto anata wa kagayaite
koeru mirai no hate
yowasa yue ni tamashii kowasarenu you ni
my way kasanaru yo ima
futari ni God bless...

todokete atsuku naru omoi wa
genjitsu tokashite samayou
aitai kimochi ni riyuu wa nai
anata e afuredasu Lovin' you

semete utsukushii yume dake wo
egaki nagara oikakeyou
for your lonely heart

yamete uso wa anata rashiku nai yo
me wo mite korekara no koto wo hanasou
watashi kakugo shiteru
kurai mirai datte
tsuyoku natte unmei kaerareru kamo ne
my wish kanaetai no ni
subete wa God knows...

anata ga ite watashi ga ite
hoka no hito wa kieta shimatta
awai yume no utsukushisa wo egaki nagara
kizuato nazoru

dakara watashi tsuite iku yo
donna tsurai sekai no yami no naka de sae
kitto anata wa kagayaite
koeru mirai no hate
yowasa yue ni tamashii kowasareru you ni
my way kasanaru yo
ima futari ni God bless...

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

LOST MY MUSIC (english)

Look up at the starry sky and tell me about my own light
Where are you now? And who are you with?

If I think about enjoying things, I feel sad
I weep all by myself at the movie that we saw together

The person who I love is faraway
Too faraway and I feel like crying
When I wake up tomorrow
Look, hope just might be born, Good night!

I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
I won’t stop, Hi!!

In the depths of my slumber, my dream gives my memories a ‘One day’
And there were some lies in your words

Even though you embraced me
Saying, “I won’t let go” and “I’m only yours”
The promise softly disappeared in the dark night

I’m forever searching for
The person who I love
I’m sure that even when I wake up
I’ll still want to feel the illusion, Morning

I lost I lost I lost you!
You’re making making my music
I lost I lost I lost you!
Can’t we meet anymore? No!

The person who I love is faraway
Too faraway and I feel like crying
When I wake up tomorrow
Look, hope just might be born, Good night!

The person who I love is faraway
Too faraway and I feel like crying
I’m sure that even when I wake up
I’ll still want to feel the illusion, Morning

I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
I won’t stop
I still I still I love you!
I’m waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
We can meet again, right? Right!!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
(romanji)

hoshizora miage watashi dake no HIKARI oshiete
anata wa ima doko de dare to iru no deshou?

tanoshiku shiteru koto omou to samishiku natte
issho ni mita SHINEMA hitorikiri de nagasu

daisuki na hito ga tooi
toosugite nakitaku naru no
ashita me ga sametara
hora kibou ga umareru kamo Good night!

I still I still I love you!
I'm waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
tomaranai no yo Hi!!

nemuri no fuchi de YUME ga kureru omoi de no One day
anata no kotoba ni ha sukoshi USO ga atta

hanasanai yo to KIMI dake da to
dakishimeta no ni
yakusoku ga FUWARI to kurai yoru ni kieta

daisuki na hito yo itsumo
itsumade mo sagashite shimau
kitto me ga samete mo
mada maboroshi wo kanjitai Morning

I lost I lost I lost you!
You're making making my music!
I lost I lost I lost you!
mou aenai no? No!

daisuki na hito ga tooi
toosugite nakitaku naru no
ashita me ga sametara
hora kibou ga umareru kamo Good night!

daisuki na hito ga tooi
toosugite nakitaku naru no
kitto me ga samete mo
mada maboroshi wo kanjitai Morning

I still I still I love you!
I'm waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
tomaranai no yo
I still I still I love you!
I'm waiting waiting forever
I still I still I love you!
mada aeru yo ne? ne!

crushed under the helplessness of it all, you kneel before the enemy.
you seek revenge but have no hatred, pathetic.
you fill yourself with thoughts that provoke but in truth you overflow with fear.
it is not new for you to shake against that which is powerful.
for you have always been a coward.
a fool dressed in metal, brandishing your rusty blade.
what joy do you get from that?
looking the part doesn't make you part of it.
not then, not now.
you wear your mask to hide what you fear the most.
yourself.
you have no business here. for i am not afraid of you.
i pity you. i sense your fear of me.
i praise you for your guts.
but i condemn you for your stupidity.
nevetheless you try to laugh it off as if you don't feel your teeth chatter
your palms cold with sweat.
it's not long now. soon it will end.
Tsukimoroha is kind.
pain you shall never know.

Sabi ko kasi may gagawin ako ngayon kaso parang wala ako sa mood.

Dapat tinatype ko yung Kas 151 paper namin. at dapat nagaaral ako sa natsci1 kaso.. hinde... parang ayaw pa kumilos ng katawan ko.. nakahiga ako ngayon at hindi ko alam kung ini-imagine ko lang ba yung sakit nung ulo ko or talagang nadala na ako sa stress.

Kailangan ko ng breather. oo as in yung sa drugs. para malanghap ko yung katotohanan.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

May narinig ako kanina sa jeep na kinatuwa ko. Sabi kasi nung isang pasahero, "Yung mga mababait, pinagpapala. Yung mga magaganda, hindi."

Ang lakas naman ng slef-esteem ko kasi naman, paano naman ako? Mabait na, maganda pa!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

ok tapos na ang self-serving bias segment. on to what is important..

ano nga ba yung important?

I just feel so... unproductive. There are things I know I should be doing or else I'll be buried in homework in no time. Thus is the fate of one procrastinator such as I.

It feels... weird. I'm going to school tomorrow without anything prepared. My fucked up SPSS is no excuse for me to get a raincheck on what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if I'm even qualified to say that I'm tired when I don't think I've done all that I could have done. I'm in goddamn second year college. And as much as i would like to believe, I am a physically fit individual with no reason to say that I'm tired.

Soredewa, naze?

Things are not turning in the way I thought they would. Just like what I wrote in one of my psych exercises, I feel like I'm playing my role as a friend very well, problem is, only a few need that 'friend' role from me. or at least, only some actually say that they need me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not that much of an approachable person..

Hindi naman ako nagkulang sa mga taong mahalaga sa akin..

Colors are labels. Parties are labels. These things, eventhough some would not admit it, control or put a limit to what other people see.

You're Red? Aah, you're like this. You're Blue? aah, you're like that. You're Yellow? No wonder you think that way.

etcetera. etcetera. etcetera.

When you're opposition, you're expected to 'oppose' the administration. When you're Red, you're expected to clash with Blue. As I observe, some people are set up to think this way, therefore what do we get? A clash of colors and voices and no understanding whatsoever.

This hinders us to see what can be seen, what should be seen. To do what is actually possible, and what should actually be done.

Some would say I live in an ideal world where almost what i think of is not congruent to reality.

But did you not know, that what is real now stemmed from what was ideal then?

Things will remain ideals, abstract as long as we let them remain so--unless we do something to make them real.

To acheive this everyone must make a sacrifice, everyone must put effort. I understand that's not what everyone wants to do. That's why we still live in a world with a very high positive entropy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Natuwa naman ako sa kinu-cook up nila Charles. may bahid kasi siyang gaguhan kaya para sa iba parang joke lang. pero totoo naman yung mga plataporma nila ay dapat lang na mapatupad. Nalilimutan na ata natin lumingon sa ating mga pinanggalingan kaya ganoon na lamang ang pag-echapwera natin sa mga maliliit na bagay. Dalawang konseho na ang nadatnan ko at yung mga maliliit na bagay na yun ay hindi pa rin nasosolusyonan. sabi nga ng isa kong prof, dapat simple lang huwag tayo mag-isip ng komplikadong mga problema, marami diyan na mahalagang solusyonan, pero simple lang.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Pansinin niyo, Pula, Asul, Dilaw at Puti ang kulay ng bandila natin. Pansinin niyo lang. Napakaganda. Kasi coherent sila. May peaceful coexistence. Sana ganun din tayo. Sana mabuo din natin ang bandila natin, ano?

"Don't Wait"
Dashboard Confessional

The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again

Don't wait, don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down

You get one look
I'll show you something that the knife took.
A bit to early for my own good
Now let's not speak of it again

Don't wait, don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down

Don't wait, don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down [x5]

I just received a text message a few minutes ago on the results of the CSSP (College of Social Sciences and Philosphy) student council elections. 

No, I did not vote straight Buklod-CSSP just because my organization supports the party. I thought about my votes real well.

I'm glad that I was able to be a part of those who enabled Steph Tan to win. I do not believe it will become HER council. Because it is not supposed to be HER council. It is not supposed to be BUKLOD's council. It is not supposed to be a blue council, regardless of what party is dominant. IT IS THE CSSP STUDENT's COUNCIL.

It's saddening that there is no such thing as clean politics. And from a neutral point of view, both parties are just singing the same songs, they just have different interpretations.

Lahat sila nagbabatuhan ng black propaganda. Lahat sila nag babatuhan ng trapo.

No matter how much I tried, I did not understand a decent paragraph from the reds or blues during the miting de avanse. The roars and chants of the suporters were more than just support.

I don't know if out of disinterest or out of confidence that she was not a candidate to reckon with, everyone was quiet when it was Steph's turn on the floor. And in truth, she was the only candidate who spoke that I was able to hear from start to end--and understand.

Think of the people who had only that mere 2 hours to be able to compare the GPOAs of each party and the SPOAs of the candidates and all we get is noise. So, on what basis do you want us to vote?

Yes, we can read. But words on paper are not the only things that influence our vote. We all know that. That's why the candidates dress up in clothes that shout out "I am serious" or "This is business". Some people want to know how these candidates step up to the pressure their opponents and their opponents' supporters put on them. What's disappointing is, there was too much of it to the point that we heard nothing but the pressure all parties put.

I really hope that your votes were votes you thought of and not just because it was dictated by your organization's orientation. There are a lot of good candidates on the roster. And I believe no matter who you put there, they will still excel individually.

But that is not what we want. We do not want ONLY individual excellence. I hope the next council will not work towards just each party's goals but instead, work against internal struggles. What CSSP students need is a united council, a council that we can turn to and rely for assistance. A council that will reflect the students' ideas and the students' concerns. We DO NOT need a council that keeps on thinking which color they belong to. In fact, I believe once you're elected into the student council, your primary concern is not your color, but the students who support you and believe in you enough to put you in that place. When it comes to service, there is no friend or enemy. You give to those who need it. Not only because that is what you should do, but because that is what you put yourself up to.

So to all the candidates who won, congratulations, we have just begun to raise our expectations according to what you have presented to us. Work as a team. That's what we want our national leaders to do, that's what we want you to do as well.

To the rest who were not able to make it, continue serving the students if that's what you really want to do.

I'm looking forward to what's in store for us next academic year. ^_^ everyone,  do your best!

May hint of red na nga pala buhok ko kasi, trip ko lang. hindi naman yung to the nth level RED... yung katamtaman lang na hindi ako magmumukhang nagpapaka-emo.

*start of rant*

Meron akong kaibigang nagsabi sa akin ng problema niya kailan lang. Medyo mahirap nga naman ang kanyang kinalalagyan dahil mukhang kahit anong gawin niya, may impending consequences na hindi maganda. Kaya ako naiinis sa ibang tao na hindi nila kayang tulungan ang sarili nila at hindi defined ang kanilang short term goals... yun na nga lang hindi pa nila maayos... ewan ko... kasi sa psychology tinuturuan kaming umintindi...

palagay ko dapat mahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  talaga ang pasensya mo kapag psychologist ka. I'm still young ang quite frankly, I'm not that patient nor that understanding yet.

Nagde-debate pa ang kalooban ko kung tama bang intindihin na lang ang mga taong "sawi" at "bigo" sa pagtulong sa kanilang mga sarili.

Parang ang hirap kasing intindihin kung bakit etong mga taong ito, na depresibo at sa aking pananaw ay nagpapaka-bum, can get away with doing nothing and still get that chance that other people strive real hard for, just to find out na hindi rin pala nila pagbubutihin.

nakakainis. sa akin lang naman ito ano, pero, parang unfair dahil nagkakaproblema yung ibang tao dahil sa kanila, pero sila pa rin ang dapat intindihin, sila pa rin ang dapat isipin. at sa katunayan, parang wala pa silang pakialam.


*end of rant*


on another note, yung groupmate namin ay hindi na nagpapakita. ang galing galing niya. so ngayon kinailangan na ni Frances magsulat sa dean tungkol sa librong inarbor nung ka-grupo namin. so magkakaroon ng kasong library theft yung groupmate namin kung hindi siya magpapakita at kung hindi niya ibabalik yung libro.

tapos na yung experiment namin! encoding na lang ng mga data. ^_^ at mamaya ko na yun isasubmit kaya heehee.. kailangan ko nang gawin ^_^

- - - - - - - - - - -

kanashii koto wa daiji na hito soko ni iru no ni
the night will come and swallow your sorrow

todokanu omoi no mama kyou mo yaru ga kite subete wo tsutsumu no
before it can reach the precious person right beside you

ai suru hito wa dakiau tabi namida wo nagasi
lovers will shed tears every time they embrace

furueru yubi wo tsutsundemo anata no kanashimi wo shiru ni wa tarinai
holding your shaking fingers won't be enough to know your sorrow

wakare no shunkan wa yami wo tsutatte
the moment we part will come through the dark...

yagate omoide no subete wo itami ni kaeru
... to turn all our memories into pain.

kanjiru itami wa koko ni ita koto
the pain you feel is proof we were once here...

fureru anata to koko ni ita koto
proof that I was here with you in your sorrow.