But anyhow, I'll update this once I have the time.
Like Now..
I'll be heading off for finals on the morning of May 24. I will not like it one bit. I am so not prepared. I've had this nagging feeling all day that I should have at least opened my notes and scanned through them even a little... but, I just didn't. Its the feeling of having done it before that kind of stopped me in my tracks. I just lost all motivation to have a look at them damn scribbles on my notebook since I've gone over them already.
Our professor said that exams are not a measure of one's worth.
Riiiiiiight... Tell that to my parents..
Better yet, tell that to my ego.
I've been cooking up conspiracy theories up in my little mind about how exams are really just a sort of chain binding people with endless capacities--some sort of security check that you should not think outside what is given to you. More like a dictation of what you should know and what you should never dare to learn. These masterminds in a kind of educational faction brainstorm these exams and distribute them in the guise of being "measures of knowledge" when in fact, they are "prisons of knowledge". If test papers could talk, they wouldn't say, "Hey, don't worry, I'm not a measure of your being." In contrary, it feels like its telling you, "If you fail me you're dumb and you have no right to move on to a higher level." That sucks. It leaves you fresh out of self-esteem and harboring hatred towards discovery, towards learning. It may even wipe off all reason for you to pursue your thirst for knowledge.
Tests suck.
And though I may speak out of sheer bitterness at four measly points shaven off my academic standing, paving the road for me to take the finals, I could not resist thinking that somehow, there's some truth hidden behind my thoughts.
Or maybe, I really am just bitter.
*shrug*